How to Get a Covert Narcissist to Reveal Their True Colors with These 6 Tips

Covert narcissists are some of the hardest people to recognize. Unlike overt narcissists, they don’t boast about their greatness, making it difficult to spot their manipulation. They often come across as shy, awkward, or even insecure, which is what makes their behavior so dangerous. By the time you realize what’s happening, the subtle emotional abuse may have already taken a toll.
If you suspect someone in your life might be a covert narcissist, it’s important to know how to get them to reveal their true colors. In this article, I’m going to share six effective ways to get a covert narcissist to expose their real personality. These tips can help you confirm your suspicions and protect yourself from further manipulation.

Tip 1: Ask for Empathy

The first way to get a covert narcissist to show their true colors is by asking for empathy. Now, you won’t directly say, “Give me empathy,” but rather, you’ll share a personal experience or emotion that requires an empathetic response. Narcissists are notorious for lacking genuine empathy, especially when they have nothing to gain from you in the moment. This tactic is unlikely to work during the love-bombing phase, where the narcissist wants your admiration. However, once they feel secure in the relationship, they may struggle to fake empathy.
For instance, share a story about something that upset you during your day. Pay close attention to how the narcissist responds. If they lack genuine interest, change the topic to themselves, or look visibly bored, it’s a sign they’re not showing empathy. They may even dismiss your feelings or start an argument to shift the focus back to them.

Tip 2: Say No to Their Requests

Narcissists hate being told no. One of the simplest ways to get a covert narcissist to reveal their true nature is to refuse something they want. It could be as simple as saying no to their suggestion of where to eat. Normally, you might agree just to avoid conflict, but in this case, hold your ground.
When the narcissist doesn’t get their way, they’ll likely respond with guilt-tripping, manipulation, or even a tantrum. This reaction gives you insight into their need for control. Their frustration at not getting what they want exposes their lack of emotional maturity and their inability to handle disappointment.

Tip 3: Ask About Their Ex

Talking about past relationships can be very revealing when dealing with a narcissist. Ask them about their ex-partners, and you’ll likely hear one of two extreme responses. Either their ex was “crazy” or “toxic,” or they maintain that their ex is their “best friend.” The ex labeled as “crazy” is usually someone who no longer provides them with narcissistic supply, while the “best friend” is still useful to them in some way.
This black-and-white thinking, where people are either all good or all bad, is a common trait of narcissism. If the narcissist speaks negatively about their ex, it’s a red flag that they may be manipulating you in a similar way. Watch how they describe past relationships to see patterns of blame-shifting and a refusal to take responsibility for any wrongdoing.

Tip 4: Push Their Buttons

Covert narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism. If you want to see their true colors, challenge their sense of superiority or make a comment that might bruise their ego. This can lead to what is called a “narcissistic injury,” where the narcissist feels their false image of perfection is being threatened.
When you push their buttons, they are likely to overreact in a way that seems completely disproportionate to the situation. Their reaction might involve rage, defensiveness, or gaslighting. This extreme behavior is a clear sign of their fragile ego. It’s different from a typical emotional response—this is an explosive reaction that reveals how deeply their sense of self is tied to external validation.

Tip 5: Ask About Something They’re Hiding

Narcissists, particularly covert ones, are known for keeping secrets. Whether it’s cheating or hiding something trivial, they thrive on controlling information. If you suspect the narcissist is hiding something from you, gently ask about it. Don’t confront them directly, but bring up the topic in a casual manner and watch their reaction.
If they become defensive, shift the blame, or try to gaslight you into thinking you’re imagining things, they are likely hiding the truth. Their need to control the narrative and their fear of being exposed often leads them to react with anger or manipulation. This reaction exposes their dishonesty and need for control.

Tip 6: Give It Time

Sometimes, the best way to get a covert narcissist to show their true colors is simply to give it time. A covert narcissist can only keep up their facade for so long. Eventually, their mask will slip, especially in situations where empathy or genuine emotional connection is required. The longer you stay in the relationship, the more you’ll begin to notice moments where their lack of empathy, emotional coldness, or manipulation becomes evident.
The key here is to be patient and observant. Over time, you’ll start to see patterns in their behavior, especially in moments of stress or conflict. These moments will reveal the narcissist’s true self, allowing you to see through their carefully constructed facade.

Conclusion: Watch for the Signs

If you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist, it’s essential to recognize the warning signs. Whether you’re asking for empathy, saying no, or pushing their buttons, these tactics can help you see the narcissist for who they really are. Covert narcissists may be skilled at hiding their true nature, but with patience and awareness, their manipulation will become evident.
I’ve found myself in similar situations, and these tips helped me see through the facade. If you’re dealing with a covert narcissist, don’t hesitate to trust your instincts. For more insights and practical tips, check out this video: Get a Covert Narcissist to Show His True Colors with These 6 Tips.