7 Effective Ways to Outsmart a Narcissist in Conversation
Dealing with narcissists in conversation can be incredibly frustrating. Whether you still have a narcissist in your life or not, we can all agree that interactions with them often leave you feeling defeated. No matter how prepared you think you are, you may walk away feeling like they’ve won. Why is this? Because narcissists have a knack for dominating conversations and making it seem like they are always in control. But I assure you, they aren’t winning—not in relationships and not in life. However, this doesn’t help you in the moment when you have to face a narcissist.
In this article, I’ll share 7 tips to help you outsmart a narcissist during your interactions. By the end of this, you will feel more equipped to handle them, ensuring that it’s the narcissist who walks away confused and frustrated, not you.
1. Keep Your Communications Limited
The first step to outsmarting a narcissist is to limit your communications. If you’ve decided that you still need to keep them in your life for some reason, make sure that your conversations are short and simple. Talk only about what’s necessary. Don’t ask them questions about their life, and avoid giving away personal information about your own. If you do need to answer, keep your responses short and generic. This helps you maintain control over the interaction and avoids giving them leverage to manipulate you.
2. Understand Narcissism
Understanding the basics of narcissism is key to outsmarting a narcissist. Narcissists typically lack emotional empathy and view the world in black and white. When they are angry with you, they can only see you in a negative light. Conversely, if they are getting something from you, they may temporarily view you in a positive light. Knowing this helps you realize that their opinions of you are not balanced or rooted in reality. It’s essential to recognize that their manipulation is designed to trigger emotional responses from you, so keep your emotions in check.
3. Distance Yourself from Their Circle
It’s not just the narcissist you need to be wary of; their circle of “flying monkeys”—people who support or defend them—can also pose a threat. These individuals may try to gather information from you to take back to the narcissist. Be cautious with anyone who is close to both of you, as they may be playing both sides. If the narcissist has managed to turn mutual friends or family members against you, it’s best to distance yourself from them until the situation calms down. You can always rebuild those relationships later when you’ve had time to heal.
4. Don’t Engage in Their Traps
Narcissists thrive on arguments and emotional reactions. They will say things designed to bait or trigger you, often bringing up topics they know are sensitive for you. The key here is to not engage. When they try to start an argument, respond with neutral phrases like “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Avoid defending yourself or getting caught in the trap of debating their accusations. Their goal is to provoke you, and if you don’t give them the satisfaction of a reaction, they lose their power in the conversation.
5. Disarm Them with Confidence
One of the most effective ways to outsmart a narcissist is by showing confidence in yourself. If they try to insult you or point out a flaw, simply acknowledge it without giving them power over you. For example, if they bring up something you’re insecure about, respond with, “I’ve come a long way with that.” Alternatively, you can use the simple yet powerful phrase, “So what?” This phrase shows that you’re not affected by their attempt to tear you down, leaving them with little to say in response.
6. Highlight Their Ugliness
Narcissists often say hurtful or passive-aggressive things in a subtle way, making it difficult for others to see their true nature. If they say something that’s clearly mean or manipulative, calmly call them out. Say things like, “That was really unkind,” or “Why so much anger?” This forces the narcissist to confront their own behavior. Keep in mind that this might cause a narcissistic injury, which could lead to further hostility, but it will also put them on the defensive, as they’ll have to explain their behavior.
7. Manage Your Emotional Triggers
The final and most important step to outsmarting a narcissist is managing your own emotional triggers. Imagine that you have an internal “alert” that beeps whenever you start feeling triggered—whether it’s anger, sadness, or frustration. This beep is your warning to step back and avoid reacting. Narcissists are experts at pushing your buttons, and the moment you react emotionally, they gain the upper hand. Instead, recognize when you’re being triggered, take a deep breath, and either walk away or choose not to respond emotionally. This keeps you in control and prevents the conversation from escalating.
Conclusion: Outsmarting a Narcissist is About Control
Outsmarting a narcissist isn’t about winning the conversation or seeking revenge. It’s about maintaining control over your own emotions and refusing to let them manipulate you. By limiting your communication, understanding their tactics, and staying calm, you can turn the tables and leave the narcissist feeling powerless.
If you’ve found these tips helpful, I encourage you to check out a similar experience shared by someone I recently came across. You can watch their video here: 7 WAYS TO OUTSMART A NARCISSIST IN CONVERSATION: Disarm the Narcissist with These Tips.