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6 Signs You’re Still in a Trauma Bond and How to Heal

Healing from emotional abuse can be a complicated journey. While some days you might feel like you’re making progress, other days can pull you back into a place of confusion and pain. This often happens because recovery from emotional abuse isn’t a straight path, and there’s something called a trauma bond that can make it even harder to move forward. Trauma bonding is a natural reaction to prolonged emotional abuse, and it can trap you in an unhealthy attachment.
In this article, I will break down what a trauma bond is, share six signs that indicate you may still be stuck in a trauma bond, and give you some guidance on how to begin healing. Recognizing these signs can be the first step to freeing yourself and moving towards a healthier, happier life.

Understanding the Trauma Bond

Before diving into the signs, let’s quickly recap what trauma bonding is. Trauma bonding happens when someone is in a relationship with an emotionally abusive person, and it usually develops through a cycle of intermittent reinforcement. The relationship alternates between periods of affection and abuse, leaving you addicted to the emotional rollercoaster of cortisol and oxytocin. Over time, this toxic cycle creates a deep psychological attachment that can feel impossible to break, even though you know the relationship is harmful.
It’s important to remember that trauma bonding is a natural response to the abuse. If you’ve gone back to an abusive person multiple times, you’re not weak or foolish—it’s a normal reaction to manipulation. Now, let’s look at the six signs that you may still be in a trauma bond.

1. You’re Holding on to Hope They’ll Come Back

The first sign that you may still be in a trauma bond is if you’re holding on to the hope that the narcissist or emotionally abusive person will return to your life. You might find yourself wishing for reconciliation, even if you know on some level that the relationship is toxic. Your feelings might fluctuate—one day you feel strong and independent, but the next day you catch yourself longing for their return.
Another way this manifests is by holding space for them. For example, if you’re putting off a major life decision because you’re still thinking about how they might react, it’s a sign that you haven’t emotionally detached. Whether you consciously realize it or not, this hope or space-keeping can be a clear indicator that the trauma bond is still affecting you.

2. You Still Fall for Love Bombing

If the narcissist reaches out and showers you with affection, and you find yourself falling for it again, you may still be in the trauma bond. Love bombing is when an abusive person tries to lure you back in by being overly sweet, caring, and attentive—much like how they behaved during the early stages of the relationship.
Even if you’ve seen their abusive patterns in the past, love bombing can trigger old feelings of attachment. It feels genuine in the moment, and despite all you’ve been through, you might consider returning to the relationship. If you’re struggling to resist their charm, this is a sign the trauma bond still has a hold on you.

3. You Make Excuses for Their Behavior

Another common sign is making excuses for the abuser’s behavior. Even after the relationship ends, you may find yourself justifying their actions. Perhaps you say things like, “They didn’t mean to hurt me,” or “They were just going through a tough time.”
Recognizing abuse can be difficult, especially if the person has manipulated you into thinking you’re partly responsible. However, if you continue to excuse their behavior, it’s a sign that the trauma bond is still influencing your perception.

4. You Feel Spiritually or Energetically Tied to Them

Many people who identify as empaths experience an energetic or spiritual connection to their abuser. Even if you’ve gone no-contact, you might feel their presence lingering in your mind or emotions. It can be as subtle as feeling a sudden pull towards them, or as specific as thinking about them and then receiving a message or call from them.
This energetic tie can make it difficult to fully move on. If you find yourself still being emotionally triggered by the abuser’s social media posts or random memories, it’s a sign that you’re still emotionally tethered to them. To break this bond, you must set an intention to energetically detach and remind yourself that healing is within your control.

5. You Constantly Think About the Abusive Person

It’s natural to think about the abusive person from time to time, but if your thoughts about them are frequent and consuming, it could be a sign you’re still in the trauma bond. Replaying past events or injustices in your mind, especially when it brings up fresh pain, shows that your emotions are still tied to the abuser.
While it’s normal to reflect on your experiences as part of the healing process, if your thoughts cause more pain than progress, it might be time to explore ways to break free from the mental hold the trauma bond has on you.

The final sign that you’re still in a trauma bond is when you’re stuck in the narcissist’s version of reality. You may see unhealthy behaviors happening in front of you, yet still struggle to fully grasp how damaging they are. This is especially common when dealing with a narcissist, as they are skilled at creating a distorted reality where their actions seem justified.
If you’re having trouble recognizing the reality of your situation, it’s likely that the trauma bond is keeping you from seeing things clearly. This emotional fog can make it hard to break free and reclaim your sense of truth.

What to Do if You’re Still in a Trauma Bond

If you recognize any of these signs in yourself, don’t worry—acknowledging them is the first step towards healing. Trauma bonds are incredibly difficult to break, but it is possible. The key is to continue learning about narcissistic abuse, emotional manipulation, and the trauma bond itself. Educate yourself so you can understand your reactions and make informed decisions moving forward.
Remember, everyone heals at their own pace, and recovery is never linear. Be patient with yourself, and surround yourself with a supportive community that understands what you’re going through. You’re not alone in this journey, and healing is always possible.
For more information on breaking trauma bonds and recovering from emotional abuse, check out this video: 6 Signs You’re in the Trauma Bond: What You Need to Know About Healing.