7 Things Narcissists Say to Excuse Their Behavior and Keep You Under Control

If you’ve ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, chances are you’ve heard some of the same phrases over and over again. Whether these words were said verbatim or in some variation, narcissists have a pattern of using specific statements to excuse their bad behavior and keep you under their control. In this article, we will dive into the seven most common things narcissists say to manipulate you and avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

1. “It’s All Your Fault”

Narcissists are masters at shifting blame. No matter what they’ve done—whether it’s yelling, stonewalling, or even cheating—they will often find a way to make it your fault. For example, they might say something like, “Yes, I cheated, but it’s because you don’t give me enough attention.” This classic blame-shifting tactic is designed to make you feel guilty and take responsibility for their actions. Narcissists can’t handle being held accountable, so they manipulate the situation to make you feel like the problem lies with you, not them.
However, it’s important to remember that their bad behavior is never your fault. We are all responsible for our actions, including narcissists, even if they refuse to admit it.

2. “You’re Crazy and Jealous”

Another common tactic used by narcissists is gaslighting—making you question your own reality. If you ever question them about their whereabouts or actions, especially if they’re hiding something like cheating, they may dismiss your concerns by saying, “You’re just crazy and jealous.” This shifts the focus away from their suspicious behavior and forces you to defend yourself. By turning the conversation back on you, the narcissist avoids answering your questions and makes you feel like your emotions are invalid.
Emotionally healthy people can answer simple questions without making their partner feel insecure or doubtful. But narcissists will always find a way to make you doubt your own perceptions.

3. “Good Luck Replacing Me”

Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance. They often make you feel as though they are irreplaceable. You might hear statements like, “Good luck finding someone who can put up with you,” or “You’ll never find someone as successful or attractive as me.” These statements are meant to imply that you are lucky to have them in your life, even though they treat you poorly.
The truth is, no one should have to “put up with” mistreatment. And if a narcissist tells you that you’ll never find anyone like them, the best response is to say, “Thank goodness!” because no one should want another toxic relationship like that.

4. “Oh, Here We Go Again”

When you bring up issues that need addressing, especially recurring ones, a narcissist will often dismiss your concerns with phrases like, “Oh, here we go again.” They act as though you are the problem for continuing to raise valid concerns, instead of addressing the behavior that led to the issue in the first place. This is another attempt to deflect responsibility and make you question whether your concerns are valid.
In reality, the issue isn’t that you’re bringing up the same things; it’s that they haven’t changed their behavior. Narcissists refuse to self-reflect, leaving you stuck in a cycle of frustration.

5. “I’ve Never Had This Problem with Anyone Else”

This is a form of triangulation, where the narcissist compares you to others to make you feel inadequate. They might say, “I never had this problem with my ex,” or “I don’t have this issue with your sibling.” This statement is designed to make you feel like you are the sole problem and that others are somehow better than you.
However, if you dig deeper, you’ll likely find that the narcissist has had similar issues with others. Narcissists often repeat the same behaviors in every relationship, even if they claim otherwise. Their goal is to make you feel inferior and keep you fighting for their approval.

6. “You’re Making a Big Deal Out of Nothing”

Narcissists love to downplay their bad behavior by telling you that you’re overreacting. Whether it’s lying, cheating, or manipulating finances, they’ll often say, “You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.” While it’s true that people can sometimes overreact, narcissists use this phrase to invalidate your legitimate concerns.
They may also accuse you of “picking fights” or “causing drama” to make you second-guess whether your feelings are justified. In most cases, the issues you’re raising are important, and any healthy relationship would involve addressing them. Narcissists use this tactic to avoid accountability and keep you from pushing for change.

7. “Your Actions Are Hurting Other People”

When a narcissist feels like they’re losing control over you, they may use guilt to manipulate you by involving others. They might say things like, “Your decision to cut me off is hurting your family,” or “Your actions are breaking this person’s heart.” Narcissists know that you care about other people’s feelings, so they exploit this to make you feel guilty.
It’s essential to recognize this for what it is—a manipulation tactic. Narcissists don’t actually care about the other people they claim are hurt; they are only interested in regaining control over you.

Conclusion: How Narcissists Use Words to Control You

Narcissists are skilled at using words to excuse their behavior and maintain control over their victims. By shifting blame, gaslighting, and downplaying their actions, they avoid taking responsibility and make you question your own perceptions. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to breaking free from their control.
If you’ve encountered similar behavior, know that you’re not alone. I recently came across someone who had a similar experience and was inspired by their journey. You can check out their story in this video: 7 THINGS NARCISSISTS SAY TO EXCUSE THEIR BEHAVIOR AND KEEP YOU UNDER CONTROL.