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How Narcissists Use Religious Camouflage to Pursue Their Supply

In the world of manipulation, narcissists stand out for their insatiable need for admiration and control. This is often referred to as narcissistic supply—the praise, attention, and validation they require to feel significant. For a covert religious narcissist, their supply is wrapped in spiritual language and doctrines, making their manipulation harder to detect. In this article, we’ll explore how narcissists use religious camouflage to obtain narcissistic supply, distorting the true purpose of faith for their own gain.

What is Narcissistic Supply?

A narcissist is often compared to a drug addict. Just as addicts seek their next fix, narcissists seek their narcissistic supply. This can take many forms, such as admiration, attention, and praise. But when a narcissist adopts a religious persona, their tactics become even more complex. They use spiritual language and religious doctrines as tools to gain power and maintain control over others.

The Traits of a Religious Narcissist

Before diving into the specific tactics religious narcissists use, it’s essential to understand the common traits that define a narcissist. According to experts, a narcissist must display at least five of the following nine traits:

A grandiose sense of self-importance
A preoccupation with success, power, or beauty
A belief that they are special and unique
A need for excessive admiration
A sense of entitlement
Exploitation of others
A lack of empathy
Envy of others or a belief that others envy them
Arrogance and conceit

In the case of a religious narcissist, these traits are cloaked in spirituality. They present themselves as pious and godly, but underneath, they harbor contempt and envy towards others, using religion to justify their control.

How Religious Narcissists Pursue Supply

Religious narcissists pursue their supply through two primary methods: presenting themselves as godly figures for admiration and engaging in narcissistic abuse, cloaked in spiritual language. Let’s break down both approaches.

1. Projecting a Godly Persona

One of the main ways a religious narcissist gains supply is by presenting themselves as highly spiritual. They emphasize how much they pray, fast, and serve others, seeking admiration from their followers. This public display of righteousness is often a cover for their true motives: gaining honor and praise.
Jesus warned against this behavior in Matthew 6:1, saying, “Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them.” For a narcissist, however, the praise of others is their primary goal. They seek followers, not relationships. They distance themselves from anyone who might challenge their behavior.

2. Demanding Honor and Submission

Religious narcissists also demand excessive honor and submission. They twist teachings to justify their entitlement to respect and obedience, while ignoring their own responsibility to serve others with humility. A male religious narcissist, for instance, may misuse the concept of headship to dominate his spouse, while ignoring the biblical command to love his wife sacrificially, as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25).
Similarly, a female religious narcissist might present herself as a spiritual leader, like Jezebel, to gain admiration and control over others. These individuals often preach about respect and authority but fail to live out the servant leadership they demand from others.

Covert Narcissistic Abuse in Religious Settings

When a religious narcissist can no longer gain supply through admiration, they turn to narcissistic abuse. This form of aggression is often subtle and hidden behind spiritual language, making it difficult to recognize. Here are a few ways they do this:

1. Spiritualizing Control

Religious narcissists will use stories from scripture, often from the Old Testament, to justify their control over others. They emphasize examples of God’s punishment and authority to legitimize their actions, but they conveniently ignore God’s attributes of love, compassion, and humility. For example, they may reference Moses receiving God’s commands on the mountaintop but ignore the humility Moses displayed when leading God’s people.

2. Focusing on Rules and Perfectionism

A religious narcissist prioritizes performance, rules, and obedience over love and grace. While Jesus taught that love is the defining mark of a believer (John 13:35), a narcissist will use legalism to control others. They create an environment where perfection is demanded, and any failure is used to shame and manipulate.

3. Replacing God in Your Life

Another insidious tactic is replacing God in the life of their followers. Rather than pointing people toward a relationship with God, the narcissist positions themselves as the ultimate authority. This creates a form of idolatry where the individual’s relationship with the narcissist becomes more important than their relationship with God.

Exposing the Double Standards

Religious narcissists are notorious for their double standards. They demand forgiveness and grace from others while failing to extend the same in return. They often emphasize the importance of forgiveness for their actions but ignore the need for repentance and personal accountability. If you hurt a narcissist, the consequences are severe, but if they wrong you, they expect immediate forgiveness without addressing their behavior.
God, however, sees through these manipulative tactics. Ezekiel 34 speaks of false shepherds who neglect their duty and exploit the flock for their gain. God’s message to these leaders is clear: they will be held accountable for their actions, and He will rescue His people from their manipulation.

Conclusion: Identifying and Escaping Religious Narcissism

Religious narcissists create their own twisted version of faith, using scripture and spiritual language to justify their control and manipulation. It is crucial to examine the teachings and actions of spiritual leaders closely. Are they pointing you to Jesus or to themselves? Are they practicing love and humility, or are they seeking admiration and power?
If you find yourself in a toxic environment led by a religious narcissist, remember that God sees through their camouflage. He calls us to follow His truth and not be led astray by deceptive teachings. For further insights on this topic, watch the video How They Pursue Narcissistic Supply through a Religious Camouflage and gain a deeper understanding of how to navigate such relationships.